I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
