So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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