toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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