So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize