it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sobbing to NWA
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
