When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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