I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
