Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
