This is not my ceiling
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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