K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
