I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
