She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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