I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
