Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
