Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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