Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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