Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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