i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize