We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
