I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
