There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
