he was CRYING into my vagina
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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