the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
