that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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