Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
