Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
