My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
