i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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