Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
