I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
