Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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