we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
