Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
