i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize