apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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