We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh god it's open bar.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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