I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she looked like the before picture.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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