4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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