i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ttyl tear gas
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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