Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
