Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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