Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
