guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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