so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
