she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
People with herpes should wear stickers.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
