I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
