Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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