So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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