Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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