Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
