I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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