i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
