I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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