He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
