Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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