If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
