please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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