I heard we made out
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
