The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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