Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
