i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
