when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she told me i tasted like america
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
