In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
