Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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