Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize