There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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