he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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