a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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